How to Heal After a Breakup and Rebuild Your Confidence
If you find yourself searching for fast and effective ways on how to get over a breakup, you’re probably in the thick of it. When the person disappears from your life, they take a lot with them – plans, routines, feelings, and sensations. And sometimes, it feels like not the relationship just ended, but life itself.
Your brain is processing the separation similarly to physical pain, plunging you into a state of genuine withdrawal. But as impossible as it feels to believe right now, this devastation is not the end of your story.
While you are looking for simple how to get over a breakup tips, we want to show you how to use this void to build a life that is even better, louder, and more authentic than the one you left behind.
Why There Is No Set Time For How Long It Takes to Get Over a Breakup
Feeling the emotional devastation that comes with the breakup, it’s only natural to wonder, when is it going to end? And while it would be wonderful to have a definite answer, the reality is, there’s no such thing. When you’re starting to search for how long does it take to get over a breakup, you most commonly see this:
1. Back in 2007, The Journal of Positive Psychology published an article, mentioning that it takes approximately 11 weeks for an average person to get over a relationship. And while it’s been almost twenty years since, many people still refer to this research when someone asks how long to get over a breakup.
2. Another common belief that actually stems from pop culture is that the emotional recovery will take you half of the time you’ve been with the person. If you’re a Sex and the City fan, you might recognize this one – it was once stated by Charlotte York, and since then has become a common timeline for people dealing with breakups.
Do any of those give a definite answer on how long it should take to get over a breakup? Yes and no. It can absolutely take you 11 weeks to get over your partner. But it can also be two or fifty or nineteen. Reality is shaped by many aspects, from your emotional investment in the relationship to your personality traits. That’s why there’s no such thing as taking too long (or too little) to get over the relationship or a breakup.
Practical Steps on How to Get Over a Breakup Fast
While you usually don’t experience physical wounds when a relationship ends, the pain that comes with it often feels real. That’s why the ultimate answer on how to get over a bad breakup is to treat it as an emergency and take some immediate steps to minimize the harm.
One common mistake people make after a breakup is suppressing their feelings and pretending that they are fine the next morning. This might work at first, but the more you bottle up your emotions, the harder the withdrawal can be.
So, instead of playing cool, focus on your emotional triage. When it comes to medical emergencies, triage is about stopping the bleeding and stabilizing the patient to ensure survival. And now, when your emotional arteries are open, your goal is also stabilization.
How to get over a painful breakup? Start with the small yet effective actions:
• Cover your basic needs. Even when you don’t feel like it. Heartbreak is a stress response, so if you’re not sleeping or eating, everything feels ten times worse. Try to maintain a regular sleep schedule, drink water, and have at least one real meal a day. Might sound obvious, but during breakups, people tend to neglect those things.
• Minimize the triggers. When the breakup is fresh, the apartment probably looks like a memory minefield. All the pictures together, postcards from vacations, little gifts – everything. And right now it might seem cruel, but all that needs to go. If throwing it away is too much, you can just put it in a box and hide it in the darkest corner – the one you never go to.
• Cut the connection. You cannot heal a wound if you keep touching it. In this case, touching it means checking their social media or texting them. Every time you see their face, your brain gets a microdose of dopamine, which resets your withdrawal symptoms. To truly learn how to get over a breakup with someone you love, you need to stop the influx of information about them. Block or mute them everywhere.
• Schedule your breakdown. The first couple of days, you might feel like crying from dusk till dawn. But it is just as exhausting as trying to play it cool and ignoring your feelings. Instead, try your best to schedule a specific time – like an hour after work – to allow yourself to let everything out.
Essential Tips on How to Get Over a Breakup With Someone You Love
Sometimes, breakups feel relieving – especially when you’re ending the toxic relationship, or just realize that the person is not for you. And then there are other times – when you need to let go of someone you still love deeply. This is a unique kind of pain – rationally, you know that it’s over, but your heart still misses the person like crazy. Understanding how to get over a hard breakup in this case usually takes a lot of emotional work.
• Don’t forget the reasons why it ended. The more time passes, the more we tend to forget the painful reality. We keep thinking about all the happy memories together – but those memories are rarely the reason for breaking up. Make a list of all the things that weren’t working out during the relationship – and get back to it every time you feel nostalgic or have the urge to reach out.
• Rediscover your “me.” Long-term relationships often require compromise, meaning that you likely gave up small parts of yourself to make room for your partner. But now, it is time to reclaim them. Revisit the hobbies you once liked, cook a meal you were ignoring because someone didn’t like it, watch your comfort movie – just do anything that is only about you.
• Externalize your pain. Thoughts that stay in your head tend to loop. You need to get them out. Journaling is a powerful tool to process the confusion, but if the grief feels too heavy to carry alone, consider therapy. A professional can help you spot patterns and provide a safe space to say the things you can’t say to friends.
Strategies for How to Get Over a Bad Breakup and Stop the Rumination
The tricky thing about breakups, especially the ones that happen out of the blue, is that the sadness can easily turn into obsession. At this point, you’re not just grieving and looking up how long it will take to get over a breakup. You get stuck in a mental loop, looking for closure, answers, and reasons within yourself that could’ve become a reason.
Rumination might feel even productive – here you are, brainstorming, analyzing, trying to get to the core. But in reality, you’re just trying to avoid the pain of the present moment. To stop this mental spiral, you need to manually interrupt those patterns:
• Accept you may never get closure. Yes, as vile as it sounds, your ex might never apologize, explain, or admit they did something wrong. So the longer you wait for validation, the longer you stay stuck in the loop. Your closure is the fact that they are not in your life anymore – and that’s all that matters.
• Stop the Zeigarnik effect. Psychology tells us the brain remembers interrupted tasks better than completed ones. A breakup feels like an unfinished task, which is why your brain keeps chewing on it. To complete the task mentally, write a final, comprehensive letter to your ex saying everything you never got to say. Then – and this is the key – burn it. The act of writing externalizes the thought, and burning it signals to your brain that the matter is closed.
Getting Over a Friendship Breakup
We rarely talk about how to get over a friendship breakup, yet losing a best friend often cuts as deeply as losing a romantic partner. That’s why it often causes a different type of pain – disenfranchised grief – something society doesn’t fully acknowledge or validate, making you feel lonely and isolated.
But if you find yourself trying to understand how to get over a friend breakup, you need to treat it just as seriously as a divorce. Some important things that can help:
• Give yourself time to grieve. Again, don’t bottle up your feelings, and allow yourself to process the loss, even if you don’t get enough understanding from your circle.
• Don’t force mutual friends to pick sides. Usually, instead of closure, it just causes more drama. Set a clear boundary if you’re not comfortable talking about your friend, but don’t make other people choose between the two of you.
• Stop the analysis paralysis. Friendships often end not because of a single fight, but because you simply outgrow the dynamic. Enough thinking about what you could have said differently.
• Seek new tribes. The scariest part of a friendship breakup is the void it leaves. You need to actively fill it. Join clubs, classes, or groups where you can meet people who align with who you are today, not the person you were ten years ago when the old friendship started.
Specific Advice on How to Get Over a Breakup for Guys
Society often tends to have different opinions when it comes to advice on how to get over a breakup for guys. Instead of getting support and freedom to share their feelings, men are expected to “man up” and “get over it” as if nothing happened.
In reality, such stoicism is not a strength. Emotions you suppress calcify, turning into bitterness or numbness that sabotages any future connections.
So instead of that, use the same pieces of advice people usually give women – face your emotions, take care of yourself, and give yourself time to grieve. Don’t rush into the rebound trap – instead, connect with old friends or family, and share your feelings. Physical activity can also help with releasing testosterone and cortisol – so lifting weights or trying martial arts can help turn pain into power.
What To Do When You Need to Know How to Help Someone Get Over a Breakup
Watching a person you care about struggling can be agonizing. So naturally, you try to learn how to help a friend get over a breakup, hoping to find the best solution to fix their pain. But unfortunately, you can’t fix it – only witness it.
So you need to suppress the initial urge to give the ultimate solution, like making them install dating apps, or forcing them to go out when they’re at their lowest. Instead, turn into a listener – let them know that you’re here for them, and you’re willing to support them without judgment or unsolicited advice.
During the first days, when the executive function collapses, you can also help physically. If you have time (and mental capacity) for that, stop by to bring some food or help with cleaning. Show them that they can lean on you, but without carrying the whole emotional load.
Turn Your Heartbreak Into a Breakthrough With Attainify
A breakup creates a massive vacuum in your life. You suddenly have free time you didn't have before, and emotional energy that is looking for a place to go. You can let that void fill with sadness and scrolling, or you can use it to level up.
Attainify turns this painful transition into a structured period of growth with a personalized action plan.
• Your recovery roadmap. Take our quiz to receive a custom 30-day plan. We give you daily, concrete actions to process the grief, rebuild your self-esteem, and reclaim your identity.
• Identify your patterns. Why did this relationship end? Why do you choose the partners you do? We help you analyze your triggers, patterns, and blockers so you don’t repeat the same cycle in your next relationship.
• Vent to an AI coach. It’s 2 AM, you are lonely, and you want to text your ex. Don’t. Talk to your AI coach instead. Discuss your feelings, roleplay difficult conversations, and get immediate, objective support to keep you on track.
FAQ
Is it possible to learn how to get over a breakup fast without suppressing emotions?
Actually, the only way to get over a breakup is to stop suppressing emotions. While the timings vary and can be different for everyone, processing your feelings and letting them go is the only right way to heal.
How long does it take to get over a breakup on average?
There are many different answers – some believe that you’ll be totally over in 11 weeks, while others think it should take no less than half of the time you’ve been in the relationship. In reality, every person is different, and the timeline changes depending on various factors.
Do the rules for how to get over a friendship breakup differ from romantic ones?
Not really, because both romantic and friendship breakups ultimately mean losing the person you were once incredibly close with. Both require time to process, facing and acknowledging your emotions, and healing at your own pace.
How can Attainify help me rebuild confidence after a split?
Attainify shifts the focus from the past relationship back to you. By providing a personalized, step-by-step plan, we help you identify your patterns and achieve small daily wins. This actionable approach replaces helpless rumination with progress, allowing you to rebuild your self-worth on your own terms.
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